Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Call centre bloopers

Despite calls being scripted, adherence to "call models" being emphasized, despite the strictest of quality controls being applied, there is the rare occasion that a tired, hapless agent commits a blooper. When you get to hear these, you thank God that all the quality guidelines failed because these are the funniest things that you will hear in your hectic day, things that will linger on in your memory for years & make you smile when you need it the most.
I present some on-call bloopers from memory here:

Agent: Can I speak to Pamela please?
Man: Pamela can't come to the phone right now 'coz she's sucking my c***!
Agent (out of sheer force of habit): Could I speak to the spouse please?

An agent is telling her colleague between calls how terribly sleepy she is, when a call comes up...
Agent (Lady): Can I speak with Maria please?
Man: She's not here.
Agent (dead with sleep): Could I sleep with the spouse please?
Man: WHAT?
Agent (mortified & suddenly very awake): I mean, could I speak with the spouse please?

Agent: Could I speak to Maria please?
Man: DON'T CALL HERE YOU F***ING @#$%^&!
Agent (following procedure): Sir, I request you not to use profanity.
Agent: Sir...
Man (interrupting): SHUT UP & HANG UP YOU F***ING A***H*LE!!!
Agent (still following procedure): Can you at least give her a message?
Man (growling): OK. Tell me...
Agent (in total violation of procedure): Ask her to take you to a good doctor...! CLICK!

Feel free to add to this list if you have any more such priceless gems.


Call Center Blogger said...

Great post! These poor employees are just admirable with all the sacrifices they do.

I loved it when the the man was cursing the agent to get off the phone... but said OK. Tell me... when asked to send a message. Ha!

1conoclast said...

:-D It made me GRIN too!

Call Center Blogger said...

Thanks for visiting and commenting on my blog 1conoclast. Yeah, Firstsource has also been a frequent source ( no pun intended ) of complaint even with the site here in the Philippines. Check out an India BPO gossip & news site called Their KPO/BPO service provides a lot of insider news about things going on in the BPO world of Philippines and mostly India. There's a couple of gossip stories about Firstsource Philippines there.

We should have more call center humor blogs like yours you know. Unfortunately as much as I also love humor, I quite devoid of humorous ideas and I can't remember some with all the goings on in my life. You post here brought back good memories even my own embarassing bloopers which if you don't mind I'd rather not share for fear of embarassment on my own part. LOL

I haven't gotten to scour through your blog yet but I will now. I'm linking back to this blog today. I think you provide valuable insight more than most I link back too. Hope you appreciate. Thanks.

All the best,
Call Center Blogger

Raw Alcohol said...

Here's one more to the list.

Call Center agent trying to phonetically confirm that the zip code is from the state of Illinois, USA.

Agent: What's your state and zip code, sir?
Customer: IL 61260
Agent: Just to verify, that's "I" as in Indiana and (after a pause) "L" as in Ludhiana
Customer: (meekly) yes

Quote Catcher Call Center said...

This post was great, there is another blog I came across earlier today with some great ones as well:

Ajith said...

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:

Customer Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

CS: "What sort of trouble?"

C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

CS: "Went away?"

C: "They disappeared."

CS: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

C: "Nothing."

CS: "Nothing?"

C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

CS: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

C: "How do I tell?"

CS: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

C: "What's a sea-prompt?"

CS: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

C: "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

CS: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

C: "What's a monitor?"

CS: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

C: "I don't know."

CS: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

C: "Yes, I think so."

CS: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

C: ".......Yes, it is."

CS: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

C: "No."

CS: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

C: ".......Okay, here it is."

CS: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

CS: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

C: "No."

CS: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

CS: "Dark?"

C: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

CS: "Well, turn on the office light then."

C: "I can't."

CS: "No? Why not?"

C: "Because there's a power outage."

CS: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

CS: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

C: "Really? Is it that bad?"

CS: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

CS: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

1conoclast said...

Thanks Ajith.

I've heard this one before but never heard of it being a true story!

Ajith said...

its a forward which i got..not sure if it is true or not, it was funny:)

1conoclast said...

Funny yes Ajith. Thanks again for sharing. :-)