Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Call centre bloopers

Despite calls being scripted, adherence to "call models" being emphasized, despite the strictest of quality controls being applied, there is the rare occasion that a tired, hapless agent commits a blooper. When you get to hear these, you thank God that all the quality guidelines failed because these are the funniest things that you will hear in your hectic day, things that will linger on in your memory for years & make you smile when you need it the most.
I present some on-call bloopers from memory here:

Agent: Can I speak to Pamela please?
Man: Pamela can't come to the phone right now 'coz she's sucking my c***!
Agent (out of sheer force of habit): Could I speak to the spouse please?

An agent is telling her colleague between calls how terribly sleepy she is, when a call comes up...
Agent (Lady): Can I speak with Maria please?
Man: She's not here.
Agent (dead with sleep): Could I sleep with the spouse please?
Man: WHAT?
Agent (mortified & suddenly very awake): I mean, could I speak with the spouse please?

Agent: Could I speak to Maria please?
Man: DON'T CALL HERE YOU F***ING @#$%^&!
Agent (following procedure): Sir, I request you not to use profanity.
Agent: Sir...
Man (interrupting): SHUT UP & HANG UP YOU F***ING A***H*LE!!!
Agent (still following procedure): Can you at least give her a message?
Man (growling): OK. Tell me...
Agent (in total violation of procedure): Ask her to take you to a good doctor...! CLICK!

Feel free to add to this list if you have any more such priceless gems.